Log in

No account? Create an account
you [entries|friends|calendar]
don't deconstruct

[ website | duh best ever ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[16 Dec 2004|09:28pm]

sometimes. i die a lot. but then i join this community. and then i only sometimes.
post comment

[16 Jul 2003|10:23pm]

post comment

[16 Jul 2003|10:21pm]

erica took a picture of me today . . . its amazing how a seemingly plain picture of me with my hands covering my face can mean a lot to me

post comment

but she knew a lot about me . . . [15 Jul 2003|02:44pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

That Girl Has Love
She doesn't know things will never be the same again
She'll always be seventeen
That girl has love
She kept all the pain inside
Now she has got nothing to hide
At such a young age she took her own life
Now she's seeing things that come in our dreams at night
She's a dreamer
That was too real o ever be fake
That was too srong to ever be forgotten
That girl has love

What a beautiful song. With an audience, this is hard to write, but i will try my best. In a lot of ways, it mirrors my own life. I haven't committed suicide, but like most teens, the idea that once seemed crazy and drastic became an overwhelmingly inviting escape door. The title That Girl Has Love is painfully ironic, as is my life. The truth is, she doesn't have love, and all she took was hate, which lead to her demise. For me, it's the opposite, i am given hate; yet in my desperate affection-seeking mind i transform the hate into love. It'll pass i'm sure, but during the pain, one needs more than "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" to survive the long days and even longer nights. This song also reminds me of attachment, and what a double-edged sword it is. I'm not attached right now, but i know i will be again, no matter how hard i try to stop it. Thats why i like being attached to new york, but i know that i will never be able to finally live there and be joined with the one place that makes me happy and substantial, but can't hurt me in return. We all know that every relationship is a new opening and a chance to be hurt. Enough about my rant, i'll try to talk about matters of importance.

Last weekend, my brother's girlfried, Ratha, came to visit. She has an exotic aura to her that my family cannot deny. Looking at people like her makes me question existance. What makes her born with so much, and me, so significantly less than her. The only bad part of her life, is that shes dating my brother; which she could end any time she wants. But something like lonliness never dies, it scars up after blood is cleaned and bandages are removed.

post comment

[15 Jul 2003|02:32pm]

[ mood | complacent ]

carolyn and i have started a community for ourselves.
we're sick of keeping everything buried within the tangles of our hearts.
this is a way to "break free" from the confines of personal livejournals.
this will help me.
this will help me.
say it with me.

feel free to vent.
don't take this as a joke.
for serious.

post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]